This is one of an occasional series where I share things I’ve written on the Facebook group I admin, Survivors of Sociopaths. this is from a reply today:
Love is not tying yourself to someone who would kill you or your children. Love is not hankering after the person who tried to kill you, or describing that murderous person as ‘there for me’. Love is not being ‘petrified’. whatever that is (I would describe it as trauma bonding and addiction), it isn’t love.
Love is standing firm for your values. Love is doing what is best for yourself and your children, however hard it is. Love is letting go when someone hurts you deliberately. Love is forgiving but having firm No Contact boundaries. Love starts with loving yourself so much that you would never tolerate disrespect or lack of care from another person. Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and it makes you strong, not weak – and that is how you know if you are acting from a place of love
That last bit, about love making you strong and not weak, that’s been one of the most important things I’ve learned. The other love I’ve had – love for my son, for my family and friends etc – it doesn’t disempower you or leave you fretting and afraid. It makes you fearless.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: perfect love really does cast out fear.